Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
