Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
