Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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