Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
