Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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