dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
