batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
