How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
