I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
