Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
