I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
