time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
