I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
