I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
