see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
