Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
