apparently the secret to your success is patron
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
