Porn is love you can see.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
