why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
