Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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