Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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