So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
