Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
