you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
