Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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