i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
