I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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