it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
