It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
