Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
