If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
