genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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