Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
