then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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