she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
