hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
