walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
