just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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