Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
