I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
