It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
