She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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