I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
