i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
