the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just pynch a tree in the face
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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