Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
