i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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