Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
