I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
