She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
