I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
