So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
