And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
