i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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